Last few weeks I’ve been missing the familiar, and also missing bits of information. So I’ve become anxious and forgetful, and it’s hard to sleep.
Missing Soeun, missing all other familiar people that I would normally see in a week.
Missing familiar routines and habits, like how I travel, where I shop eat and cook. Things I do to relax and have fun. And lots of my books and clothes I don’t have anymore. Everything is new!
At home I could just get up and have breakfast and jump on my bike and go out. But here I’m still working out where and what I’m eating, and which days its good to catch the bus or train. I don’t have a routine at work yet, so every day is different. So it takes a lot of energy just to get the normal things done, and a lot of brain space to work out every little bit of the day.
I’ve also been missing bit of information in the two main communities I’ve just joined. At work, I spend a lot of time trying to work out what people are talking about and what I’m meant to be doing. At college, where I live I also miss info as I’m not studying here, so I didn’t go to all the O stuff the students did (and neither did the student I’m attached to as he is not here yet.)
Sometimes I realize I’m missing something so I ask about it, but sometimes it turns out not to be so important. But other times I didn’t realize I was missing something and it turned out to be very important.
I don't have enough context to work out what is important. I'm just being fed all this new info and I don' t know what to do with it.
So then I think I get confused about what things I should be taking notice of… so I’m trying to take notice of everything so I don’t miss anything important. So then I start getting anxious about everything. I was on the bus the other day and I suddenly started panicking that I was on he wrong one….until I realized I was on the right one. I’m just generally anxious all the time, so its hard to sleep and remember things.
I’m really looking forward to when Soeun finally gets here. In the last few weeks we have mostly had to talk about stressful/disappointing things- due to some thing that are happening in our family and church etc in Cambodia. It ‘s kind of weird to not be there, but just have to hear about it.
But I am enjoying getting to know the staff team I’m part of, and also enjoying going for walks.
4 comments:
You can do it K! it's just all new for now.
yeah, thats what i keep telling myself, new things are always hard at the start, but they don't stay new and hard forever
praying for you!!! anytime you want to come and hide at my place you are welcome!
I hope things get better for you! I think its funny how you said it takes so much brain power to get things done. That's exactly how I felt in Cambodia, but it seems Cambodia is more second nature to you now, and you have to relearn the ways of Australia.
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