Angkor Thom West Gate (Takav)

I  have photos from this area starting June 2020. In June 2021 they started restoring it, so it looks quite different now. Collecting some photos here to remember the changes.

A few 2022 photos to start with.

2022 June

2022 June

2022 June

2022

2022 June

2022 June

June 2020, from inside looking west at sunset

June 2020, from outside looking east

June 2020, from inside,NE

June 2020, from inside Angkor Thom

June 2020, from outside looking SE I think

June 2020, looking south

June 2020, from outside

June 2020, taken from outside, looking west, gate behind me, the road to the main road

July 2020

July 2020

July 2020, not West gate but from front of Angkor Wat

June 2021, looking east towards the west gate

June 2021, turn off from the main road, just when they started the restoration 

June 2021

And now for some more 2022 photos...
 

We are deep in Narnia

After being sent a treasure chest of books, I picked The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe out to start reading to the children. They loved the first few chapters but we had to pause while I took one child to the capital city for a few days last month. They were both still really into the story when we started up again. Battles and weapons he likes, animals she likes. And both were excited to make connections with the Bible.

We had a stressful and intense week in late August. We survived by reading The Magician's Nephew. It was a great break to spend pre-bedtime in a magical world. The children were excited to learn the 'backstory' as they call it of Narnia. 

'That's how the lamp post got there!' Etc etc

And they were also interested to noticed connections with Bible. They were amazed at Digory not eating the apple. 

'He's like a new Adam..wait, but not Jesus.'

 So of course I had to message the owner of the books and ask to borrow the next ones. Kindly she met me in town again and handed over another 2 books!

My listeners were excited to guess clues about Aslan in The Horse and His Boy. Also commented on how Shasta is like Moses.

And now we are in book 4, the very centre of the set of 7. It's quite fun to read about castle ruins, overgrown with trees as we live near temple ruins, overgrown with jungle.

They have been looking up bits and pieces on youtube and learnt all sorts of interesting background info. We have the last 3 books with us, and school holidays this week so will probably read more.

See also other Narnia posts such as From the Dawn of Time

Half a year since hospital

Here we are half a year since the hospital visit. Some things are still suspended in time, stopped  on the day hospital started. Other things are starting again. 

For me,  I haven't been able to ride as much as before hospital. But I'm able to ride more than in the first few months of diagnosis. (Hence these photos. My 12 month pandemic card runs out next month.)

And my school mornings with the children aren't (yet?) what they were, but the last week or so we have regularly done some maths each morning. I tried to start that at the 3 month mark but it was too hard. Since we moved long acting insulin time we have been able to make use of mornings again. Big relief.

At the start of the pandemic the entry to the Angkor Thom wall tracks was unmarked. I think it was sometime in 2021 they put up these signs and barricade. I hardly see motos up there now.

Current scafolding near Victory Gate, Angkor Thom

Corner Temple on the Angkor Thom wall. (NE)

 

Not vacation time, not school days.

Homeschool family life is mostly about coping with sickness this year. I feel it would be better recorded in a poem or a collection of photos than in my homeschool record book.

The maths and English routine we had during 2020-2021 disappeared the day of diagnosis. I thought I could revive it after hot season but it was not to be. T1D is still too new. And that routine doesn't suit us at the moment..or anymore? It was great having those distraction free days during the pandemic. Both children learnt the basics of reading and writing. And now maths and reading is part of their everyday life. But we are probably lacking in other areas.

Nothing like a good downpour to run around in, screaming and getting muddy!

We recently reached the end of our box of Magic Tree house books we were reading. We didn't want it to end. Luckily an English family in town has started selling books, so we went to visit the day after we read the last one.

Airport bike ride. Rainy season afternoon.

So thankful for medical equipment that keeps us alive. 

Novorapid insulin pen bought at pharmacy in town, with 4mm needle ordered in from Thailand.

Went to the circus for the first time, while they still have the pandemic special. It normally starts at 8pm which is too late for us, but these days main show is 7pm.

For about a year now they have been working on Angkor Thom's western gate. The road and gate area look totally different. Used to be dirt road all the way from main rd to Bayon. Used to be more trees.

 

Type 1 Diabetes books part 2

 Some other books and a video I consumed in the first few months. Recording here mainly for my own benefit I guess. 

Coming To Terms With Type 1 Diabetes: One Family's Story of Life After Diagnosis

Debbie Young

Personal essays from a wife/mother of T1Ds. 

A Ted talk on Type 1

Around the 2 min mark: 

It used to be a fatal disease now a chronic disease. (Since insulin injections became a thing 100 years ago.)

Around 2:40:

It changed from a death sentence to a life sentence.

Around 4:30

"Its a fatal disease. Spending your life not dying"

Rosie Becomes a Warrior: A Story to Empower Children with Type 1 Diabetes to Live Their Happiest Lives 

Julia Flaherty

This was fun to read to the kids! 

T1D books

The Insulin Express

by Oren Liebermann

 

Even if I wasn’t interested in the subject matter, The Insulin express would still have me page-turning just from the way words are put together. Part travel memoir, part T1D diagnosis story.  

 

The World’s Worst Diabetes Mom: Real Life Stories of Parenting a Child with Type 1

by Stacey Simms

It felt like a light fun memoir read while at the same time helped me learn about T1 life, which is anything but light and fun. It feels heavy, and I’ve had to think about maths and death more often and more intensely than ever before.

 

Think Like a Pancreas

by Gary Scheiner

So far we enjoyed/ were horrified at how diabetes was managed over the last few decades. It feels shard now, but we were shocked to learn how hard it was in the 1980s.

It also gives us the why of managing blood sugar, something we do every day as we know we have to, but this goes more in-depth , both how it helps us now, and also explains the long-term complications in more detail. I think we are only in chapter 2!

Lola in the Middle

by Cecily Paterson

Fun to read, but not all about diabetes so her highs and lows didn’t seem that intense to us. But the lead up to diagnosis was really great for us. “that happened to me!” And while reading it we felt like we had a friend who had T1D which was valuable for a newly diagnosed who hasn't met anyone in real life with the same disease. 

 

Why couldn’t I let go of the past?

 

PC

Before

Why couldn’t I let go of the past?

I tried to get over it by waiting; expecting time would dissolve it.

I tried to get over it by facing it. I re-engaged with places and people. I expected that creating new happy memories would dispel the old unhappy ones.

I tried to get over it by seeing a counselor. Counseling hadn’t seemed helpful before, but what did I have to lose? If only I could get myself to see it was OK, I get back to normal life soon.

---

The Moment

“You probably experienced big T trauma. It changed your brain.”

Trauma? Me? I hadn’t been violently attacked or in an earthquake or war. It was a bizarre left-field thing for me to hear my counselor say. How was it connected to me?

And yet at the same time, it made so much sense. I needed to hear more. It was only a few minutes until our session was going to end. Should I mention to her time is up?

I stayed quiet. My desire to know more obliterated my need to follow the clock.

A dramatic and unfamiliar word. Yet strangely, it made me feel lighter and energized.

My journal from that day just says TRAUMA!!! I was too excited to write anymore.

When you have good news, you can’t help but share it. I ran to tell my husband, and I emailed a few friends.

“I’m traumatized! Yay!”

I wrote about it in our newsletter:

The emotional response doesn’t come from what might happen in the future. (Before I heard the word Trauma I thought my bad feelings were anxiety about the future).

It comes from what already happened in the past. My brain is tricking me into reliving the worst moments. This is why knowing things are safe now does not change my feelings at all.

My Fear response is not listening to my Logic.

The brain acts as if it is happening now, the same as it was then. And it doesn’t exist in the rational part of my brain, which explains why I can’t talk myself out of it. I’m not failing at getting over it, it is not over. It is still happening now.

---

After

I noticed when I felt I was in danger.

I noticed I knew I wasn’t in danger, but I felt I was.

I noticed her and gave her a name. Now I could see her and explain her to other people. Mrs. Logic Blocker (Mrs. LB) is a mean woman in my brain. She sometimes disrupts the communication between Logic and Fear response.

I noticed friends could feel like attackers by using the wrong phrase. They triggered Mrs. LB.

I noticed too, these same friends could care for me in that attack. Instead of trying to calm me down or reason with me, they let my irrational outburst run its course.

I noticed nothing in my anxiety tool kit made any impact on Mrs. LB. It wasn’t that I wasn’t trying hard enough — they were the wrong tools. Awareness of her gave me relief overall, but I still had to ride out hours, days of fear.

I noticed Mrs. LB ran away and hid when I spent time with friends who made me feel protected and known.

These friends let me experience God’s presence through them, rather than quoting Bible verses at me. It felt like they were God’s stunt- doubles, although we usually call them Christian pastors.

Mrs. LB had no power against the safety I felt with them. Time with God’s stunt-doubles can dispel an acute attack and leave me feeling safe for days.

---

Conclusion

The most significant point on my healing journey so far has been calling my issue “trauma”. I didn’t know naming something could be healing.

Finding out my brain was tricking me into feeling scared when I knew I was safe was a big “aha” moment.

Now I call it my trauma response, or Mrs. Logic Blocker. I’m less frustrated with myself now that I know the reason and anxiety tools are impotent.

I thought I had to try harder and I would get over it. Freedom replaces frustration when I notice my feelings of safety and danger.

It is not that I can’t let go of the past, it’s like the past won’t let go of me.

---

Written in July 2021 for the prompt "Defining moment"

What A Sudden Diagnosis Feels Like

 

Image by PublicDomainPictures from Pixabay 

BOOM!

A new diagnosis blew our normal week apart.

There had been a bomb ticking but we didn’t know about it until it went off.

The threat of death suddenly joined us.

This new chronic condition in our family began with a swift diagnosis and treatment. Our other conditions have taken a year or more to work out, but this happened within 24 hours. There was no time for unsolicited medical advice this time around! We are so thankful for the local doctors here in Cambodia who saw the problem and took action.

I can’t quite write about it properly yet even though the situation isn't as acute as a month ago. I’m still tired and adjusting but on the path to long-term management.

This month’s A Chronic Voice linkup seemed like a good way to note down a few things from this season. It is still fresh but I can't yet zoom out and describe the whole picture. Having these 5 words lets me narrow it down: Processing, Relying, Retreating, Cancelling and Reframing.

Processing

Being in hospital with a family member was easier this time around. After being a counseling client for a few years I was more equipped this time. I didn’t know it would be like that so it was a nice surprise. I was noticing feelings as they were happening.

Relying

My husband is my favourite person to go through a traumatic medical transition with. We all rely on him at the moment to get through each day.

A few medical and pastoral friends have generously made themselves available to us. It's not an exaggeration to say they are saving our lives with their specific skill set and relationship to us and others.

Retreating and Cancelling

Since day one we had to cancel pretty much everything.

We haven’t done homeschool since then.

We didn’t say goodbye to a family who moved back to their country, we never got to have that last playdate.

We were getting ready to welcome a family moving back to Cambodia after two years but we also had to pull out of helping them. Hope we can catch up with them later on.

Just to survive I haven’t been really checking email or trying to keep up with friends overseas. I’ve been only messaging friends in Cambodia and family.

The first week we could only think hour by hour and were not aware of anything else other than our health. It was hard even to know what day it was or what we would eat. Our extended family shopped, cooked, looked after children. A few ex-pat friends dropped off food and books. I wore the same clothes for days. I only noticed when a friend dropping off food asked if she could wash our clothes.

I had been going to join a homeschool summit online. And I was in the midst of reading some books and on a roll with blog writing (link to my guest posts). All on pause, hope to return one day. (I guess writing this count as a return to writing?!)

We probably won’t do school or meet up with people too much for another couple of months. Although my husband has started back with some Bible and sports activities but not the other classes. I have taken our children out once to a friend’s house, they had so much fun. But I was so tired to the point of forgetting some medical things for about a day or so after that. It freaked me out.

The shock plus the learning curve and the physical tiredness are all-consuming for now. We’re told it will get easier with time and that this is just how things are for now.

Reframing

Finding others with the same diagnosis often helps, but in our case made me feel more isolated for a time.

Others were either dead or managing it with high-tech stuff we don’t have. So it felt like we were doing something dangerous. It doesn’t feel like that anymore, but when it did reframing helped me. I remembered that what is often good for us as a Cambodian/Aus family is different to what is good for anyone else. We don’t fit neatly into either Cambodian or Australian or ex-pats. So of course we are doing this differently. Our current situation suits us; we are in the best possible place to go through this.

One month down, a few more to go?

Now that the bomb blast has settled, the noise is only a ringing in our ears. The shock is present with us but not overpowering. Much of our old normal is gone, maybe only for a time. Some things we will have to work out a new normal.

Head over to the link-up to see how others used this month’s word prompts.

Feel like we missed a month.

I looked out the window this morning and saw mangoes hanging from the trees over the fence. I realised it is suddenly about to be hot season. Our Feb was swallowed up by unexpected and all consuming events.