Everyone is so rude!

About 14 years ago I was walking along the street and people kept bumping into me. It was so annoying. The others on the short term team and similar experiences if my memory serves me correctly. I felt like everyone in the whole country we were visiting was being rude.

A long termer nodded knowingly when we shared our frustration. They explained that as we were from Australia, where people drive on the other side of the road, we also subconsciously walk on the other side of the road too.  So all the people in our host country thought we were the ones being rude?!

I try to remember this experience when I'm feeling frustrated with things in Cambodia. Sometimes it seems people are being so rude, or various other negative things that make life hard. But I keep trying to tell myself maybe they see me as rude or lacking common sense/doing something weird/doing things the wrong way/wearing weird looking clothes/ liking ugly furniture/ thinking good things are bad/ putting value on  what I see as worthless etc etc.

Sundays this year

People often ask us what its like to be in a cross cultural marriage, and mostly its hard to come up with an answer. Its just our normal. The air we breath. But maybe church is one interesting thing of note. I wrote a newsletter on this a few months ago but not sent yet.

 Soeun is a Khmer church leader, so Sundays are a big day for him, and of course he should have his family being part of the church as well. So he is really involved, preaching, music etc while for me it mostly doesn't feel like a spiritual or even social thing, but a language and culture experience. And it means I have less time and energy to go to an English language church. And even if I do its not a family thing, its just for me.  So each new place we live we have to figure out how to do it. Some years in Phnom Penh it was working when I went to a Tuesday morning English womens group and we went to church on Sunday morning together, and I sometimes made it to an English language church in the afternoon. Over the years we've tried a few other combos that haven't worked as well.

So this year..

For a few months Soeun was sort of going to both the morning and afternoon service, earlier in the year when we had just moved here. I was going to the English language church in the afternoon, I visited the morning Khmer one a few times.

Once we got  back from the having-baby-in Aus trip Soeun had worked out that he would be mainly serving at the afternoon service, so now we all go there as a family. Ive started going to the English language womens Bible study during the week, sans toddler.

chronic sickness management

I joined some facebook groups recently for people with vestibular disorders. Its been really helpful to find others with similar struggles- perhaps our time in Aus would have been easier if we had known others then (maybe not, we might only be ready for this now).

Most have had their lives changed dramatically- they can't work full time anymore, or sometimes at all, they can't look after their kids, they can't drive. Its only diagnosed after eliminating other things, and by the pattern of symptoms so it usually takes months to work out what you have before you can even think about how to manage it.  By that time its already taken a big toll on your mental health, social life, work life etc.

And from reading what other write it seems some people have worked out their triggers, but for many it seems so random. Sometimes cheese sets it off, sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes the attacks come out of no where, often the buzzing and ear pressure is just always there and you have to try to live with it.

The diagnoses from a sydney doc was "vestibular migraine", but if I use that term people often assume its a headache thing (and there is a headache involved actually, but its more an ear thing).

Members discuss things like whether its useful to go to the ER at hospital if things become acute. Theres not much they can do for most ppl , and it seems many doctors aren't really aware of these disorders anyway.

People often have trouble explaining it to their family and friends, its probably the same for any invisible chronic illness (or many others things). Family often think members are making it up, or get frustrated when sufferers keep not showing up to things. They get blamed for being unreliable and/ or lazy.

It seems like there are lots of different drugs people are trying.

Thankfully SOeun's symptoms are much less debilitating in Cambodia, so he can do many things here and live almost normally. It s hard when he is a bit sick though, it becomes a bigger problems than pre march 2011. Life is still frustrating but not as bad as when in Aus.

Just a short plane ride away is Bangkok, full of doctors and hospitals. Maybe we should start seeing a doctor there to help with management or maybe that would be a waste of time and money? Its hard to know.

Carrying stuff around...

6 kg of red meat
10kg of wholemeal wheat flour
a solar panel
at least 2 kg of honey
some breakfast cereal that was on special in Aus when I was packing, it cost $2, i saw the same thing for 5USD in the supermarket in Cambodia
a loaf of saltana bread
a Christmas cake (homemade)
a bike helmet


Ironically this last trip back from Australia I actually had baggage weight to spare! It felt a bit wasteful and frustrating in some ways, given that other times I'd made the trip I'd had to get rid of so much. But it was fun to bring back some treats and useful things that are harder/more expensive to find here.

At the end of 2012 we moved back to Cambodia after 2 years in Australia. It was hard getting 2 years of life back down to 20kg. Sad to leave behind the new bed sheets we had, and pretty much all of my clothes as I was pregnant so they were going to be any use anytime soon.

It had to be 20 kg not only for the place ride back but for all the travelling in Aus on public transport I was doing before I actually got to the plane. My pregnant self had to be able to carry everything between stops and stations and on and off vehicles.

 I think I stayed in at least 3 different towns before and caught quite a few buses, planes and trains before I hauled my bag to the international airport. Somehow during that time I lost my only pair of shoes (not including thongs) I was keeping esp for the plane ride. I ended up taking my brother in laws O day freebies after an extensive search of both my sisters and my parents house. (including the wheelie bins as I was carrying things in plastic bags, could be mistaken for rubbish)

Random bits of news

We had a power cut recenlty so we got to try out our roll up solar panel with got in Aus

The bread machine broke! I asked around on facebook about getting it fixed, no luck. I tried to buy a new one but came home empty handed to find Soeun had taken it apart. When it put it back together it worked again.

Soeun recently got a bike, and we got some safety gear for it in Aus.

A meal Soeun had with the toddler and a friend, within the temple park.  

Supermarket shopping, drumming with oat tins. This particular trip was unusual asI left the baby at home. The toddler hadn't been out for awhile so I was trying to make it a fun day for him as well as shopping. He pushed the trolley around and threw things in it, this time they were things that we actually buy, rather than random things.

Near Angkor Wat, now that I'm not so tired and sick with being pregnant I've been able to ride my bike a bit when someone is looking after the kids. Its nice to live near an area with smooth road and trees- a little different from riding to work in Phnom Penh!

With a baby and a toddler the days are pretty exhausting. Although actually I feel a bit better than when I was pregnant. The toddler doesn't really like going to sleep or eating so thats a constant challenge. I was so excited to make him blue pancakes. He likes pancakes, and he likes colours so I wrongly assumed he would like blue pancakes...

Rainy season and roads

Soeun was calling out directions to the tuk tuk driver on Sunday night, five of us were going home from church. The driver is new to the area and didn't hear all the directions so we ended up on a really bumpy road. Most roads are bumpy but this one was particularly bad, plus at this time of year its all muddy and the potholes are full of water. It was pretty scary and painful! Soeun was holding the toddler and i was holding the baby, trying to figure out the best way to hold her neck and head with all the lurches and jolts. It felt like at any moment we could end up in the water and mud.

That set the theme of conversations for the week too. Lots of expats we know teach and send their kids to a particular school that has a long muddy road, it sounds quite dangerous at this time of year! The international church is meeting there too now, and the church bus ride this last Sunday was apparently a little too interesting.

This month 2008 in Phnom Penh

You know things are bad when a tow truck needs to be towed.... from Oct 2008

Winter in Aus

Hot season here was hot and stressful..and then we went to Aus just in time for winter! It was very cold! And it was stressful to go back to Aus after fleeing due to ill health.

But we were well looked after and the birth went well, very fast and safe. And the baby is easier to look after than we expected.

The toddler had lots of fun getting to know his Aussie relatives and enjoying Aussie things like parks with grass and play equipment.

I had fun making use of the oven. (One day we want to get a full size gas oven but they are expensive and we don't really need one at this stage.)

 In Aus I not only had the use of a full size oven but also people who like eating oven cooked things as well as the ingredients and other equipment that goes along with it. Oh and also good oven using weather.

 I made some food I've made before also quite a few new things mostly involving flour and often yeast and or butter!

First rainy season in SR

Taken from just outside our front door, our floor was covered in water last night.

Yesterday Soeun was trying to prepare for a class he will be teaching next month. The books he wanted to look at were in a cardboard packing box, in the corner, wedged in by a table and the huge wooden thing our landlord owns. On top was 2 plastic tubs of other books. It was just too much effort to get to the box, esp as we only just moved the furniture that way the other day, trying to make space for a desk so he could sit down and work.

Luckily, in the evening our floor was suddenly covered in water. It had been raining for ages and stormy. We were waiting for the power to go out. We raced to pick things up and moved the furniture so we could get to the cardboard box of books hopefully before the water soaked through.

As we were racing around the toddler was trying to help us and slipped over a few time, while the baby lay neglected in her bed crying. Once we got all the things up that needed to be up I sat down with the toddler and baby and tried to calm them down while Soeun took the water out using a dustpan (with a long handle, kind of like a spade) and then a mop and then floor maps. Then he washed the whole floor- so its really clean now!

After an Aussie winter

Back to hot weather, power cuts and no wifi.

The endless supply of wheat and dairy is over, and once again I'm feeling the frustration of not being able to find somewhere comfortable to sit.

The first little while back in Cambodia each time is hard.

Things are ordered differently here, beautified differently, hygiene is done differently.

And of course I'm tired from travel and the different time zone and weather takes awhile to get used to again. Also I didn't speak/hear Khmer for about 3 months .....

We only just moved house a few months before we went overseas, so we are still settling in here. It was not  a case of come back , unpack and get on with things. We are still moving furniture around, looking to buy a few cupboards and a bed for the toddler, rummaging around in boxes and bags to find the blender/ that book for the lesson Soeun needs to prep/  the baby things etc etc....

I miss having a bedside table to put my glasses on, and my clothes stored in a cupboard in the bedroom. At this point in time there is no spare floor space on either side of the bed and my clothes are in various places so getting changed/having a shower takes a bit of planning ahead.

And what to do with the Toddler here...?? In Aus he enjoyed visits to parks- vast spaces of grass to run on and exciting play equipment, all free! We don't really have those spaces here, there is a private playground we can visit on Saturday mornings, its cost 2 US dollars tho, and at the mall there is a small soft playroom, that cost 75 cents.

First time to fly solo with a baby

Medical appointments , paperwork and are all the family members eating and sleeping/?? are the things ive been doing and thinking about over the last little while. All 3 of them are sleeping at different times to each other and to others in the house. They each eat different foods and at different times as well. 

waiting rooms in Aus

A warm room, and a comfy chair with my kindle while the Toddler goes to the park with Grandma. As we are back in Aus I've had various errands and appointments  (clinic, Medicare etc) which means waiting in waiting rooms. Its actually been quite fun!

Not a saucepan

What do you call this?

The toddler was playing with this kitchen thing and calling it a saucepan. I wanted to correct him and tell him what it really is called, trouble is I couldn't think of a word. So I asked on Facebook. I got lots of responses and I realised why I couldn't think of a word- there are too many. Here's a  summary of the responses so far.

Pretty much everyone from the USA said "spatula" but other nationalities had lots of different words. (also pancake turner)

UK

 "fish slice", "spatula" 

Canada

 "flipper", "spatula"

Australia

spatula

egg flip

egg flipper

turner-overer

egg lifter

flippa thing

emerging from 4 weeks living in the urgent

First there was Khmer New Year, with relatives coming and going with no notice. Being part of an Asian family is really hard for a Western introvert, and most felt at times of the year when extended families get together. Unhappily coincides with the most hot humid weather.

We were exhausted by the end of it, happy to have our space back when a storm struck and the whole town was plunged into heat and darkness. A flurry of communication surrounded the 5 day power cut as everyone struggled to cope with the heat, cancelled events and not knowing if the power would come back on today or not.  (At this time of year we struggle to sleep even with 2 fans in our room so when there are no fans...)

Two years ago we often lost power for the whole day, so I'd worked out my fridge/freezer strategy for that, but 5 days is a lot longer than 8 hours! So I gave up on my usual shopping/cooking habits, we just had to go one meal at a time. And we didn't know how long the water in our tank would last so we tried not to use to much water, which meant we also gave up washing up, esp at night when it was dark.

The last night of no power the toddler had a high temp, it had started that morning. We were giving him ibuprofen but his temp was still  high. For the next 7 days he didn't eat much or sleep for long blocks of time, it was like looking after a newborn, a few hours of sleep , a few hours of screaming, felt like he needed constant attention. (So even tho New Year was over and the power cut was over we still didn't get a chance to restock the fridge)

After the first few days we were both exhausted and didn't know how long it was going to go on for and if it would turn out to be a normal childhood fever thing or something like dengue. So then we started  taking turns at night so at least one of us got a block of 5 hours sleep.

(took him to the doc on day 3 and 5, had a hospital in mind we would go to if any other symptoms happened ).

(Did I mention the weather is hot and humid at this time of year?)

Then thankfully he got better. I thought we were just going to collapse and breath a sigh of relief but after all that it was hard to change gears and go back to normal eating and sleeping...plus our house was chaos. We have 2 bedrooms and a living/kitchen area. We and others had been sleeping in them over the past few weeks, swapping around depending on the heat, where the sick toddler was and who was looking after him. We don't really have a bedroom as such anymore. (Plus still hot humid and haven't really been proper meat and veg shopping...)

We had lost a few weeks in which we were planning to get ready for a trip we were supposed to be taking. I thought we had 3 weeks after New Year and the trip to psych ourselves up for it but all of a sudden it was almost time to go.

So then it was a 4th week of living from day to day, trying to decide if we should change our plans or not, and if yes which of the options we should choose.

Anyway, I think things are are bit more settled now. The last few days we have cooked meat and veg at home and eaten dinner together!

Waiting for normal life to start.... last weeks holiday, this weeks fever

I keep waiting for a time when we don’t have relatives staying in our house and/or one of us isn’t sick, waiting to start normal life in Siem Reap. But maybe this is normal life!

We have been here less than 5 months and already had relatives staying with us on about 5 separate occasions.  None of us has been seriously sick, but the toddler has a fever a few times, we’ve all had colds, I have various pregnancy annoying things etc etc.

That’s what I was feeling a few weeks ago, then we had Khmer New Year and I just felt really exhausted after that,  and starting to get anxious about the next thing coming up. Feeling like a holiday. No time/money/energy to travel but started day dreaming about spending a night in a hotel in town.

Then last week was so crazy- most notably a massive long power cut all over town. A lot of things got cancelled because of it, and we never knew what would happen from day to day. Lots of checking in with other expats on fb about whether the power was on or not and what the latest rumour was about how many poles got knocked down in the storm etc etc.

But in a way it was kind of a holiday, some of the normal things we would do in a week were out, and it was hard to cook with no fridge and not knowing how long our water would last for.  No washing up or sweeping in the evening as it was dark and I couldn’t see the mess.

And it was a good excuse to have the holiday I’d been wanting, we  stayed a night in a hotel in town (number 2 place in the world to visit according to trip advisor, big tourist industry). They had a deal on because of the power cut, lots of expats were doing the same thing.

However on the 4^th and final night of the outage we were at home with a sick toddler. It was hot and noisy. He is still feverish, this will be the 3^rd night. He has been acting like a newborn, sleeping in little bits all day and night and screaming in between or looking floppy.