debilitating

Just in the last few days I've started describing Soeun's undiagnosed sickness as chronic and debilitating. It's helped to have words to describe it. Other than that we don't really have a name for it. This makes  it hard to explain it to people, and we need to explain it as it impacts our life here so much.

So we need to start planning in the light of that, not going against the flow thinking, next week will be better, next week.. next week, we'll start XYZ when he gets better.

(Yesterday we were explaining to a friend all the ways it has impacted out life and he said- it sounds debilitating. And i thought of chronic a few days ago when I realised it had been about 8 months.)

chronic

Bloggers impression of how Soeun see Australia this year (from this site)

My poor husband has been feeling unwell all year, I've hated to see him often dizzy and not able to either relax or study. (And the bad headache in June was terrifying.)

I've also just recently realised that one thing I find hard about this is that it's almost like he has a different personality this year. Due to the sickness he hasn't been able to be himself, I miss him! When will I get my husband back!?

I miss seeing him laugh and hearing other people laugh at his jokes.

As he got sick just when he got to Australia he hasn't had the chance to really get to know people, so I feel like the communities we are part of this year don't know the real him. I was so looking forward to this year in Australia as a time when we could really be part of a church together, and when we could visit my family and get to know them etc etc, but it has been so different to how I had hoped.

The Real Kimsoeun (pre 2011)

His sickness has also meant it's hard to plan ahead and make and keep commitments. It depends on the day how his health is. Like last Sunday we were invited to visit a church to share about Cambodia. We said that we would go, and we planned what we would do for our spot in the service, but on he day he didn't go. Disappointing! And frustrating for him.

I actually feel ok about it today, some days are ok, some even more than ok (like May 7) but this is the general pattern of the year.

doctor

Soeun went to another doctor today, a different gp. We went over his whole medical history from this year, now have some ideas of what to investigate.

flummoxed

I was on a bus with a group of people and we ended up going to the beach. I felt a bit bewildered and annoyed as I hadn't know we were going to the beach so I hadn't brought any beach stuff. It seemed like everyone else was prepared, how come I didn't know about it?

When I woke up yesterday and realised it was a dream I was so relieved. But I guess thats the feeling I've had all year since coming back to Aust. I feel like everyone else knows what to do and its assumed I do too, but a lot of the time things are surprising.

home. comfort. confused.

Would you rather live in an apartment that has....

.... hot running water,
                 or one with cold only?
.... a stable electricity supply,
                or one where the power randomly goes off for hours at a time throughout the week?

I would have thought I would go for the first option but still really missing the house we lived in in Cambodia. Even though here I can use the washing machine anytime and have hot showers, even after about 8 months here, still really really missing our place in Cambodia. Before we left I wrote this about it, and back in May I noted that I was missing having a place that felt like home (see here.)

When I was in high school I was starting to think about being a missionary, but there were two big scary things I couldn't imagine doing, seemed like hurdles I didn't think I could get over.

They were:  learning and functioning in another language, and support raising (ie not getting paid by an employer but living off what other Christians give you).

At this point in time I have a very different experience of these 2 things compared to what I thought it was going to be like.

Not only have they not been hurdles, they are actually 2 ongoing parts of my "job description" that I actually really enjoy!

We've recently made some visits to Bible study groups and its been a really encouraging time. I guess when I was starting out in support raising I was just wondering how on earth I would get enough money to live on. That hasn't been a problem at all, and there is so much else to support raising, or partnership development.

Tonight for dinner I'm eating pizza i just made, and Soeun is eating chicken wings (with rice) he just marinated. We often eat different thing, although last few days we have been eating the same dishes.

finally

Last weekend we got to do lots of things I was wishing we could do last semester. So great we can finally be doing this stuff. We visited a Bible study group from our church and got to share, following up on our visit to that group last July, we went to visit a nearby church with some newly arrived Chinese students, I got to catch up with a Chinese girl who I used to meet with, etc etc.