uncomfortable everywhere- unformed thoughts from today (written on monday)

I feel uncomfortable in Cambodia because I'm so rich.

And I feel uncomfortable here in Aust as I'm not sure how to cope when I'm relating to other rich people who don't seem to notice they are rich. I even feel a bit bad writing that sentence as it could come across as arrogant. I guess I've had particular experiences that they haven't so its logical that I will have a different perspective.

Australia doesn't feel like home, yet I know I'll always be an outsider in Cambodia. So maybe I'm always going to feel uncomfortable where ever I am, perhaps one aspect of this is to do with being rich.

I find it uncomfortable being so rich. In Cambodia I'm so so rich. This morning in staff training we were talking about the uneven distribution of wealth in the world, and how we are in the top minority, we're the rich people of the world.

I've heard people say that missionaries feel rich when they are in their adopted country, but then feel like poor people of the society when they return to Australia, as Aussies are so rich. In someways we do feel that, as our living space in Cambodia was much bigger (teachers accommodation, our own kitchen, spare bedroom etc whereas here we live in student dorm type place, not allowed to have ppl stay over, share a kitchen).

But at the moment I'm not feeling poor at all- even though my support level is only at 40% I'm actually feeling really rich. I think maybe it's due to things like

-being able to go to the doctor and have blood tests without paying a months wages, and worrying why am I spending so much on this when my family and friends who I interact with each day could never afford such a luxury - I think I've mentioned on this blog before- I LOVE MEDICARE!!!

-free drinking water out of the tap!!

- nice public toilets, private, with toilet paper and a tap to wash your hands- even soap and towel/dryers

-libraries, being able to borrow books and dvds for free (its hard for me to things to read for fun in Cambodia) i really want to read stuff so i find myself buying books from a second hand books shop, but i only ever read them once, and when i move have to get rid of them anyway, so it feels like a waste of money

-rich generous Christian friends who help us, eg giving us clothes, doonas, rice cooker etc etc

- my "normal" food isn't expensive foreign food, milk, breakfast food like corn flakes are considered basics by many here, if i were to eat them at my mum in laws place she may wonder why i was spending so much money on food!