“Going “home” was one of the most successful failures of my
life.
Not that repatriation is a competition, but had it been the
summer I moved back, I would have been a shoo-in for the win,” writes Jerry Jones of The Culture Blend , in Arriving Well*.
He had more than enough know-how, being a cross cultural trainer and all, plus he had some
amazing friends. I almost fell off my
chair with emotion when he described the way they set up his apartment and met
them at the airport. And I say ‘emotion’ as I’m not sure if I was laughing or
crying. Talk about attention to detail- even the cat had a welcome sign.
Everything was set up so they could have a smooth transition, and yet it was
still hard.
““It’s hard to feel incompetent, isn’t it?” Yep. That’s the
word. It echoed for a while. Maybe it still does.
I despised feeling incompetent, but at least in China it had
been expected. One look at my face set the bar incredibly low and anything I
did to surpass that was met with shock and high praise.”
So after I read Jerry Jones’ chapter in which he so competently
explains his incompetence I went back
and looked at the re entry post I wrote a few months ago;
I realised that 1-6 are basically all incompetence. (#7 is Loss)
So here I adapted the original and turned it into:
6 Types of Reverse Culture Shock Incompetence
1.You look like everyone else so drivers
assume you will know how to cross the road; people in the supermarket expect you to be able to put a box of corn
flakes in the cart trolley and
the line up to pay for it. (The Cereal Aisle had to get a mention.)
You can’t do stuff people expect you to be capable of doing.
2. You've lived there before so you (think you) know how to do all those simple things. Like feed yourself and participate in conversations. Like buy and wear
shoes after wearing flip-flops thongs for many years. Like speak
Australian English.
You can’t do stuff you expect yourself to be capable of doing.
3. “Have you settled in yet?” It sounds like a
perfectly reasonable question to ask but sometimes sounds like “You should feel
settled now that you have been back for almost a year.”
You can’t be settled in like it seems people expect.
4. Every little thing takes so much more effort
so you are extra tired. But the bed is too soft, there is no hugging pillow,
and it’s so cold you need to use a blanket. Even sleeping needs to be
relearned.
You don’t have the ability to sleep as much as you need.
5. In a new environment
your hobbies and habits that kept you sane can’t happen.
You aren’t equipped to have fun and relax.
6.Feeling like your arms have been chopped off is such a huge
part of your thought life but you don’t know how to communicate this to anyone.
Incompetence is going to be
part of reentry, so get the tools- like Arriving Well. My favourite description of the book:
“The difficult but necessary topic of re-entry is approached
so eloquently through five honest, raw, healing personal stories we are all
certain to learn from. The co-editors/coaches neatly sum up the useful lessons
learned from each story and ask the readers pertinent, reflective questions to
help them through their own repatriation journeys. This is one book I will keep
handy along with all my other favorite expatriate resources.“
Tina L. Quick, author of The Global Nomad’s Guide to
University Transition and Survive and Thrive: The International Student’s Guide
to Succeeding in the U.S. and founder of International Family Transitions.
