From reverse culture shock, to renting, moving house, bringing up cross cultural kids and English teaching- here are some lists of my expat life to date:
1. Having to wait for the landlord to fix something. Like that time we had no water for a week. Each day he said the tradesman was coming to have a look at the water pump. Tomorrow...tomorrow... Of course by the time we got around to buying our own water pump the landlord turns up to install a new one anyway.
2. Getting rid of all belonging when going overseas for a long time. Especially when it took 6 months to empty the house. And to make it worse being overseas wasn't really working out, but it felt too hard to come back after all that emptying effort.
3. Knowing that the landlord can and does move around your things when you are overseas for a short time. Even when they said they wouldn't unlock the front door.
4. In some cases being constantly ready to move with a months notice. Like if your landlord is known for asking people to leave, or if they are trying to sell the house and you don't know if the new landlords will want to let you stay. A lot of brain space is used up this way meaning other things get neglected.
6. And when the inevitable moving day arrives there is stress and chaos. And usually things get lost or broken. And your furniture doesn't work with the new place so you need to get rid of it and buy some more.
7. Being stressed about trying not to ruin the landlord's property. Like when the kids draw on the walls.
8. Growing food is harder. In boxes, ready to uproot at anytime. Remembering those trees you planted at the last house, do you have energy to plant more knowing you will leave soon?
9. Making do all the time, apart from when you can't stand it anymore so invest only to find it was a waste. Like that time we wanted fly screens on the windows. The landlord didn't want to pay for them. By the time we got around to having friends help with a DIY version the landlord said he was selling the house.
10. Financially it feels so wasteful. Between us we have about 40 years worth of renting and boarding with just some packing boxes and suitcases to show for it.
A string of fairy lights ties my first pregnancy/newborn memories to a night market in Chiang Mai, Thailand. We decorated our house with the lights, along with postcards and photos. It felt like our place for those 90 days of maternity leave from Cambodia/Australia.
I tried to make our room feel like home as quickly as possible (without investing too much) as we were only going to be there for three months.
10
TEN MONTHS
I tacked up, taped up and tied up satiny scarves from the Russian market and photos of friends and family to begin my first year in Cambodia. The walls were covered in brown marks from the last person's taped up posters, the ceiling was really low and there was little natural light or air flow.
It was hot and uncomfortable but I needed to make my room feel like home as quickly as possible (without investing too much) as I was only going to be there for ten months.
11
ONE (academic) YEAR (multiplied by about 6)
Again, photos up on the wall straight away in my Australian student accommodation (and sometimes a rainbow mirror ball). Some years it was my uni course, Bible college year or husband's Bible college.
I tried to make my/our room/s feel like home as quickly as possible (without investing too much) as we were only going to be there for about 11 months.
18
EIGHTEEN MONTHS
To combat the dark, cold months of a north east Chinese winter I bought a gaggle of pot plants for my flat, as well as arranging photos and pictures above the radiator. The colourful doona cover I received from friends at uni decorated my sofa. Finding a place for the washing machine, that still allowed me to use the kitchen and the bathroom was a big challenge but thankfully got done.
I needed to make my room feel like home as quickly as possible (without investing too much) as I was only going to be there for eighteen months.
24
TWO YEARS?
The patterns breaks down here, I would have loved making it home straight away, especially as we had come from 2 years of stress and were due to have a baby in 6 months...however, the owners were selling so we had to go month by month not knowing if they were going to kick us out- so stressful not to be able to make it feel like home, it had felt like such an essential thing to do all the other times I've moved house. I need a home to rest in so I can function.
48
FOUR YEARS
Again, the pattern breaks down but for a happier reason. When we knew we would be in the same house for FOUR YEARS we attached hooks and hung empty photos frames on the wall. No need to rush putting photos in, there's plenty of time to do that later. We didn't need to make it feel like home as quickly as possible, as we would be there for FOUR YEARS. So when it came time to pack up we laughed when we took down the still empty photo frames...
I didn't really get interested in last week's Velvet Ashes word until I read The Grove and the readers blog linked up. When I did I realised this is an aspect of expat life I want to record here. This isn't an exhaustive list of house moves but its the general vibe of the last 20 years.
Even though I knew it was going to happen, somehow it was really upsetting to see Soeun taking apart our bed yesterday. Watching the legs come off the base of the metal frame as my husband unscrewed it, made me feel like our place of comfort was being dismembered. This week Velvet Ashes theme is chaos, very fitting for our week too.
This house move is different to many of our other moves.
I'm not pregnant this time, as I was the last two moves. We aren't needing to cull our belongings to fit in a 20kg bag as we do when we move internationally. And we're also not trying to get rid of things so everything will fit on one truck, like we did when we moved from Phnom Penh to Siem Reap. And we don't even have a moving day, more like a moving week.
But its also the same as every other move.
Seeing all our belonging packed up, and moved around and out the door feels so disorientating, like we are dismantling our home. Packing and moving all the things in our home means the space where I feel comfortable and in control is disappearing. Living cross-culturally, so many things feel so chaotic. When I'm out and about in the crazy traffic and markets it can be exciting and stressful at the same time. Knowing I've got a calm, comfortable space to come home to means I can enjoy the chaos and be part of it more. And although we have somewhere else to go when we move out of here, it will be awhile before we are unpacked and settled. We'll be living out of routine and out of boxes. Suspended in limbo for an unknown amount of time.
A new place is hard to imagine, I'm not sure what to expect. New habits, new sounds, new routes to new shops. New ways to make sharing space and time work for me (an introvert from an individualist culture) and for all the other family members. And then even when we do settle in that place, it is still temporary.
Seeing my bed turn into a pile of pipes mostly feels like falling off a cliff but hopefully this is a reminder that we do have an eternal home.
Which of the stuff in my house will make the 20kg bag that I’ll take with me when I leave Cambodia for a few years?
After being here 5 years, we need to empty our house of stuff as we plan to live in Australia for 2-3 years. It would make it cheaper and easier when we come back if we could store our stuff, but I don’t know that we can find places to store it, and we certainly can’t take it all back with us.
So most of the stuff has to go. Hopefully we can sell our big stuff, like furniture, and hopefully some other things too, like our kitchen stuff.
Not sure if we should be shrewd and try to sell as much as possible for as much money as possible. Or go the other way and be generous, if we can find others that need some pots and pans, why not give it to them? Is that being irresponsible with our resources? My Khmer friend wants to buy our washing machine- should we try to sell it for as much as possible or help her family by making it as cheap as we can?
Often the whole moving thing is busy and stressful so it becomes easier to give things away anyway.
I was looking at my stationary stuff and feeling annoyed that I’ll have to get rid of it. I have some packets of coloured paper and cardboard used for cards and letters and some other things. I don’t know that I could sell it, hopefully I’ll find someone who can use it. I can remember other times I’ve moved house internationally (3 times) and had to get rid of stationary, it feels like such a waste. And even the big things that we sell feel like a waste too. We’ll only be able to sell our washing machine, fridge, etc for a fraction of what we paid for it. If we were able to keep it and keep using it, it would worth more than that to us.
Also considering sending some stuff- with TNT it cost about 25 USD to send a kg to Aust. Maybe I should send some of our towels and sheets rather than giving them away and buying new stuff at the other end. Then will we send them back here again in a few years???
And then there’s Kimsoeun’s books for work and music equipment. We really want to store those as he’ll need them when we get back, and unlike spoons and forks we can’t just buy more at the market.
What would you take from your home if you could only take 20 kg of things?
