I thought I knew that

Recently I was surprised by my own surprise. 

Our washing machine broke 5.5 weeks ago. We had especially bought it brand new from a good shop so we wouldn't have to deal with it breaking a lot. 

But after 2 years it broke. Boo.

The first thing out of my mouth was "Well, I guess I'll take the washing to a laundry shop or see if I can use a friend's machine." Soeun laughed at me- "No, we'll just wash our clothes." 

To him hand washing clothes is the normal, easy and logical thing to do, my suggestions sounded ridiculous to him. Likewise his suggestion of hand washing all the clothes and sheets and towels that the 4 of us use just sounds really hard, it didn't even consider it.

Our broken washing machine strapped onto a moto about to ride over bumpy dusty roads to the fix it shop.

I already know Soeun grew up without a washing machine, and that most people in Cambodia don't even have mains power , let alone a washing machine. And it's not like we just have one by default. When we were thinking about getting married we considered how we were going to live as a Khmer/Australia family in Cambodia and whether or not a washing machine would be part of that.  Yet I was still really surprised by Soeun's reaction to our broken washing machine.

Its not the first time I've been surprised by my own surprise. There was also the time I went to teach English in my first year and no students turned up. I had been told that often people don't go out in the rain, but it wasn't until I saw it that I really got it. 

"Context is your friend"

My teacher was famous for saying that. I heard about it before I studied with him. Then it turned out he did say it a lot in class so we all joked about it while we were in

his class, and still think about that phrase over a decade and a half later.  It’s so useful in so many situations.

I remember seeing a friend lug his laptop to a café in Phnom Penh years ago.  I suggested to the visiting Australian that he might like to just go to an internet cafe and use a computer there. It was cheaper and easier.  No need to carry your computer in crazy traffic and you only pay a few cents per half hour instead of having to buy a café drink.

A couple of years later I went to Australia and noticed many people use the internet on their own laptops, and they are used to it. His decision had seemed strange to me while in Cambodia, but when I saw the context he was used to being in it made perfect sense.

If I, an Aussie get confused about what’s happening in Australia these days it feels like there is even a bigger gap for people who live in Australia and want to know what’s happening in Cambodia. Sometimes there’s moments when I realize people reading our newsletters are missing so much context but it’s great that they can pray anyway.

And then it’s quite overwhelming to think how this applies to me not understanding the Cambodian context that I live in. And then another huge jump to think about the gap between Cambodians who have never been to Australia and how they would see me and all the weird things I do.

Everyone is so rude!

About 14 years ago I was walking along the street and people kept bumping into me. It was so annoying. The others on the short term team and similar experiences if my memory serves me correctly. I felt like everyone in the whole country we were visiting was being rude.

A long termer nodded knowingly when we shared our frustration. They explained that as we were from Australia, where people drive on the other side of the road, we also subconsciously walk on the other side of the road too.  So all the people in our host country thought we were the ones being rude?!

I try to remember this experience when I'm feeling frustrated with things in Cambodia. Sometimes it seems people are being so rude, or various other negative things that make life hard. But I keep trying to tell myself maybe they see me as rude or lacking common sense/doing something weird/doing things the wrong way/wearing weird looking clothes/ liking ugly furniture/ thinking good things are bad/ putting value on  what I see as worthless etc etc.

Crossing the road in Cambodia..oh, I mean Australia

It wasn't until I was in the middle of the road that I realised I was crossing an Aussie road in the way I would cross a busy Cambodian road.

In Cambodia I would walk across a busy road slowly. The streams of motos, cars and other things would just weave their way around me, sometimes honking.

It is scary the first time you do it , coming from Australia, but I guess its my default now. It seems I went into autopilot and only realised when I was standing in the middle of Liverpool road with the morning peak hour rush rushing around me.

No one honked, no one slowed down to go around me. They just kept going. I was so terrified.

When I finally made it to the other side I felt really embarrassed. I hped no one I know saw me.

 Its not the first time I wished I had an L plate on me. People assume I know what I'm doing but I don't. I also felt frustrated, I wish I could instantly feel normal here.

I'd already been in Australia a week, and no traffic problems this time around (like when i got back from China), so I guess I thought I was fine. Also traffic is such an obvious thing that is different so I would have thought I wouldn't make a mistake.

But I'm on high alert now!

Confusion- the last reentry

“Kassalin, you are looking fatter now.”

Another comment from my Chinese friends that made me feel uncomfortable and embarrassed. Meanwhile, they seem to think it is a completely normal conversation.

Even now I still don’t like when people call me fat, even though I know they don’t mean to be rude.

But despite that, I think I must have got used to it while in China. Just after I got back I remember standing with some friends and seeing another friend walk past. He had put on weight while I had been away, he looked quite different.

“Wow, he’s heaps fatter now.” As soon as I exclaimed this the friends I was with let me know we don’t normally say that kind of thing!

I realized straight away what they meant and wondered why I just said something that I knew was rude. I totally didn’t know it was rude when I said it.

www.freedigitalphotos.net

Another memory for the Surprise! Series and the re entry one as I consider the perils of living in Australia where people expect me, the white Australian, native English speaker, to know how to act/speak/think etc.

A re entry surprise from last time

“How much did your bike cost?”

I was vaguely aware that the person I was asking had a strange look on their face.

“Six hundred dollars,” they replied.

I was shocked a bike could cost so much, so I told them so.

“Wow, that’s a lot, why did you pay that much?”

I've got used to eating rotten fish with herbs and spices 

Later, I was thinking back over the conversation and wondering why the bike owner had such a strange look on their face. Then I remembered when I first got to China I used to feel uncomfortable when people came up to me to ask me how much I paid for my laptop/bike/jeans/eggs/books. It seemed like an invasion of privacy to my Australian ear.

Durian, a smelly fruit I have not got used to eating.

After my Chinese friends had found out how much I paid for something, they would often tell me I’d paid too much. I think I usually felt annoyed at them, it sounded like they were insulting me, but I don’t think they thought they were.

 I guess in Australia we don’t ask questions like that, but in China they do. And I guess I had got used to those questions without even realizing it.

Also, my bike in China only cost me around 10 US dollars, so you can see why 600 shocked me.

This memory (which is from when I just got back to Aust from China) fits into my Surprise series and the re entry one. It’s only after it over that I can look back on it and reflect like this.

I wonder if I’ll have any experiences like this over the next few months, as I go back to live in Australia for a few years, after being in Cambodia.

What is a lunch break?

I was surprised when I first got to China...

....but then I got used to it and was surprised other Aussies didn't think like that.

 I finished my lunch and gathered up the papers and things I needed. I had just started working at a university in China. I had taught some classes in the morning. In the afternoon I was planning to do some errands- I had to visit the Foreign Affairs office, and then go over to the other campus to see some in the English department office, then I was going to do some photocopying and printing. I was feeling very efficient as I had organized all the documents so I was ready to get all those things done in the one trip straight after lunch.

However, I went down to the FAO, but all the doors were closed and it was quiet. Hmm, strange. Ok, come back later, next stop English department. When I got there it was also all locked up. Then I realized the places where people park their bikes were empty, and there was hardly anyone out and about. As I walked back to my place on campus I noticed all the footpaths were empty, there wasn’t anyone about. It felt like night time.

Later I found out that between noon and 2pm everyone takes a break. They go home for a cooked lunch and a nap. In the hot part of the year classes don’t even start again until 2.30 (I found that the hard way too).

Compared to my experience of growing up in Australia whole concept of lunch break is different for most of Chinese society.

Cambodia is similar to China in that respect. Lots of the market sellers take a break over the hot part of the day, and often office hours are something like 7.30-noon, then 2pm-until dinner time.

I felt surprised and frustrated when I was in the process of learning about the lunch break. But then I was surprised again a few years ago when I was hosting a short term team from Australia. We planned their timetable so that most days they didn’t have anything on from noon until 2pm. I assumed they would have a nap. But some of them went shopping and exploring instead!!! After talking to them it seemed they didn’t even consider having a nap, I had considered they would do anything else.

Surprise series: Washing up

I was grossed out the first time I had Chinese friends over when I started living in China. They said they would wash up the dishes after dinner. But all they did was run them under some cold water. I couldn't believe they put them away with out washing them properly first. I had only ever washed up in a sink of hot soapy water.
Last year when I went to visit my parents I surprised myself. I was grossed out by the fact that they washed up in stagnant water. I guess I'm used to using running water now.

The skin colour is more beautiful on the other side of the fence

“Teacher, your face is white.”
In my first few months of China I felt kind of offended to hear this. Was she saying I looked sick? Or like a ghost?





Later I realized it was meant as a compliment. White skin is beautiful.
The shops are full of whitening products. Whitening soaps, whitening creams. Girls try to make their skin white.


Here in Cambodia it’s the same, sometimes its hard to find product that aren’t whitening ones. I recently bought some soap, when I got home I realized it advertises itself as whitening soap.

One of my friends went to have some kind of milk bath whitening treatment at a spa before she got married, so her skin would hopefully be whiter.
I try telling my Khmer friends that some people in the world try to tan themselves, and buy tanning products and treatments. I think that’s a bit strange to them as dark skin is associated with poor people who have to work outside all day. Something to be looked down upon, not to aspire too.

I took these photos of lightening cream and lightening face wash, as well as the body bleaching ones at one of the many small shops that line the streets. Do you wish your skin was more white? Let me know, I'll help you find some products to get rid of your tan.

I've never been to the USA part 2

“Do you have any tomato sauce?” was the beginning of another confusing conversation.

My friend had moved into the same building as me. As she hadn’t unpacked and been shopping yet she and her husband had bought meat pies for lunch.

“What kind of tomato sauce?” I was puzzled

“The normal kind,” she answered, probably also puzzled as to why I was puzzled.

But there are so many different ways to make tomato sauce, it depends what kind of herbs you use etc etc…. did she want me to go and buy some tomatoes and make her a sauce?

After awhile I realized she was asking for what an Aussie would always ask for when they have a meat pie. It’s just that I forgot we call it tomato sauce, if she’d said ketchup I would have known straight away.

“Like other aspects of language and culture, you can learn a certain amount about the rules for conversational interaction by careful observation. However, again as with other aspects of language and culture, you will acquire a large amount subconsciously through massive exposure to people who are conducting conversational interactions.”
Greg Thompson
Language Learning in the real world for non-beginners 1993, Section 6 page 34

I've never been to the USA part 1

There were many surprises when I moved from China back to Australia. As I started interacting with Australians again I realized I’d taken on some foreign habits without being aware.

“You’ve been to America,” my uncle exclaimed while we were eating a roast dinner.
I have never been to America and I had no idea why he suddenly made that comment during dinner, seemingly out of nowhere.

He explained that I was using my knife and fork like an American, rather than eating the Australian way. I hadn’t even known that there was an Australian vs American way. (He lived in America for a year.)

I guess I developed this habit while I was in China. There was a small group of expats in my town, mostly American. On Tuesday night I would usually eat at one of their places.



“American way” cut food up with knife in left hand and fork in right. When finished cutting up put the knife down and hold fork in right hand, use it to get the food to your mouth. Australian way – cut and eat as you go, keeping knife and fork in their original hands.

Too messy to worship

The other night we were talking idols and images of gods. I brought up the "classic Jesus" picture as an example of a picture of the God of Western Christianity. You know the guy with the long hair and dress?

Kimsoeun said from his non- Western point of view it seemed funny that people would have someone so messy looking for their god. He doesn't even shave his beard.

He contrasted the Jesus images to a picture of some kind of divine man in Buddhism. This man is worthy of worship- he is clean, spotless, blemish free.

Although interestingly Soeun first started going to church after seeing the Jesus movie.

Introducing Surprise!

I'm beginning an occasional series on this blog called "Surprise!". Actually the first one is back here:
http://khmerkronicle.blogspot.com/2009/12/how-rude.html

(links aren't working today??? anyone know how to fix this?)

How Rude! is about the time I offended my mother in law by saying "Come to our room". I had no idea that she thought that was rude.

How rude!

“ When you’re ready to go out for dinner come to our room,” I said to my mum.

My husband Kimsoeun and both our mums were on holiday together. As my mum only speaks English and my mother-in-law only speaks Cambodia it was an interesting experience for them to be sharing a guesthouse room for the week. And it meant I had to say everything twice.

“When you’re ready to go out for dinner come to our room.” I said to my mother-in-law in Cambodian.

She had a funny look on her face. I guess she didn’t understand me, so I tried again. She still had a funny look, so I tried to say the same thing in a different way. It’s so hard to learn a new language! Maybe I wasn’t pronouncing something correctly, or my words were totally out of order.

I gave up and went back to the room I was sharing with my Kimsoeun; I guess she’d figure it out.

That night as we were eating Kimsoeun explained to me that he had just explained to his mum that I didn’t mean to offend her, it’s just the way we talk in English. Huh? How had I offended her? And I didn’t even talk to her in English.

It turns out that I was being really rude when I said “our room”. I should have said “my room”. I did make a language mistake, but it wasn’t to do with my pronunciation or grammar. If I had been talking to someone younger it would have been fine. It’s not something I would have guessed at all.

I was glad that Kimsoeun was able to explain to me that I had offended her and why, other wise I would not have known. And I was also glad that he could explain to her that I wasn’t intending to be rude.

I wonder how many other times I have offended people and not been aware. If there is no friend around to explain it must be so easy to come across in the wrong way and not even know about it. It highlights how important love and humility are in cross-cultural relating.